I went to a Yin Yogassage class. (Yoga with massage.) It was amazing. It was so good that for the rest of the day I could do nothing else but feel peaceful and care for myself. I moved more slowly, felt the hot shower on my shoulders and back, tasted the tuna sandwich I made, laid on the couch with Clea, my cat and didn’t obsess about all the things I needed to be doing. I was in my body in a sweet way.
Jill, the yin yoga instructor, spoke throughout the 2 hour class about the ART of receiving. It was as though I had never heard that concept before. Perhaps I was in such a relaxed state I received it differently. Regardless, I felt the truth in her words. She said that when we are completely receiving we are able to give completely. I know I knew this, but twisted like a pretzel, Brad the massage therapist coaxing my muscles to let go into the pose, I GOT IT.
Have you ever had a similar experience? All of a sudden what you thought you knew morphs into your cell tissue and becomes one with you? It transforms knowing to KNOWING. In that moment I realized she was right, it is an art. One I am not so sure I am that good at.
I tend to interrupt my art of receiving with my life long belief systems that I was so generously given by my family. Makes me wonder why we receive and hold on to some beliefs and not others. Perhaps it is the first ones that get in there are the ones to take root. Some of mine are;
I don’t deserve it,
I will have to give back…bigger and better,
I will like it, get used to it and it will go away-the other shoe will drop.
Do you say any of these things to yourself? (Or is it true-my other belief-I am the only one who has this kind of thinking. Everyone else gets it…)
As a result of this class I have been challenging myself and my beliefs to stretch. As I practice this art, some days more fluidly than others, I realize receiving begins at home. I must give to myself first. I will put on my oxygen mask before I help you with yours. (I was so glad that instruction was never tested when I was traveling with my kids.)
And, when I fail miserably, gasping for air because I just couldn’t do it, I must offer myself the grace not to be Picasso. I find that grace and forgiveness, of and toward myself, has actually increased my ability to receive more fully from you.
So I guess I will attend to myself first so I have more to give to you.
I don’t think it works the other way around.