Being Boswell

Smarty Pants

My sister-friend Heidi and I were checking in with each other this morning. “How is your New Year so far?” we took turns asking, two days into 2012.

 

“I’m failing miserably,” I confessed. “I wrote my 10 self centered resolutions in It’s All About Me last week. Since then, unfortunately, I have been more efficient than ever. I am caring about everything to the point of mild paranoia and I am talking to fill all silences. It’s like when I say I am going on a diet and then I eat more than I usually do.” Continue Reading

Patricia Boswell

It’s All About Me

At least that is the plan. My New Years experiment.

 

Why you ask? Why today, December 26, 2011?  Because I can and because it is time. The kids are old enough to feed themselves, dress themselves, drive themselves. Tom and I are old enough that we aren’t creating a new life but mingling our existing lives. My friends are “lifers” so we trust each other to be there even if we don’t see each other often. And after planning, preparing and executing my family’s thirty-first Christmas, I am tired. Very tired and a bit ornery.

 

My problem is I am the queen of relationship. For me, relationships always take precedence. I choose others before myself. I come by this honestly. My mom taught me well, both through her words and her actions. It was all about her. Her lesson was, “If you don’t please others they will leave you.” The truth was if I didn’t please her she emotionally left me. I could count on it. As a result I learned to pay more attention to her, to what she needed and wanted, than to my own needs. Truth be told, during my childhood years, what I needed was her attention and love, so learning how to give her what she needed was how I got what I needed. In a distorted way it worked for both of us.

 

It just doesn’t work so well anymore. No one in my life today, except mom, excepts or needs this from me in 2012. I just end up feeling tired and resentful referencing this old belief system. So my New Years resolution is to practice self centeredness. (I know you think this is a bad idea, self centered people are not fun to be around.  Keep reading and see what you think of my idea.) Continue Reading

Patricia Boswell

Smarty Pants

My sister-friend Heidi and I were checking in with each other this morning. “How is your New Year so far?” we took turns asking, two days into 2012.

 

“I’m failing miserably,” I confessed. “I wrote my 10 self centered resolutions in It’s All About Me last week. Since then, unfortunately, I have been more efficient than ever. I am caring about everything to the point of mild paranoia and I am talking to fill all silences. It’s like when I say I am going on a diet and then I eat more than I usually do.” Continue Reading

Patricia Boswell

It’s All About Me

At least that is the plan. My New Years experiment.

 

Why you ask? Why today, December 26, 2011?  Because I can and because it is time. The kids are old enough to feed themselves, dress themselves, drive themselves. Tom and I are old enough that we aren’t creating a new life but mingling our existing lives. My friends are “lifers” so we trust each other to be there even if we don’t see each other often. And after planning, preparing and executing my family’s thirty-first Christmas, I am tired. Very tired and a bit ornery.

 

My problem is I am the queen of relationship. For me, relationships always take precedence. I choose others before myself. I come by this honestly. My mom taught me well, both through her words and her actions. It was all about her. Her lesson was, “If you don’t please others they will leave you.” The truth was if I didn’t please her she emotionally left me. I could count on it. As a result I learned to pay more attention to her, to what she needed and wanted, than to my own needs. Truth be told, during my childhood years, what I needed was her attention and love, so learning how to give her what she needed was how I got what I needed. In a distorted way it worked for both of us.

 

It just doesn’t work so well anymore. No one in my life today, except mom, excepts or needs this from me in 2012. I just end up feeling tired and resentful referencing this old belief system. So my New Years resolution is to practice self centeredness. (I know you think this is a bad idea, self centered people are not fun to be around.  Keep reading and see what you think of my idea.) Continue Reading

Patricia Boswell