SHUT UP…REALLY

I started a 21 day meditation challenge offered free by the Chopra Center.

Today’s meditation was on stress. It is day 4.

The meditation teacher, a soft spoken woman, asks, “Are you feeling a sense of worry, agitation, or frustration? (Now that you mention it, I am.) Release those feelings, thoughts, and sensations. (Okay, how?) Let them float away, easily and effortlessly.(Come again?).” She then invited me to sit in my silence created by my ability to let my stress go easily and effortlessly.

“Really?”

“If I could do that, easily and effortlessly, I wouldn’t be listening to this meditation.” I sat in silent judgment, irritation and frustration with this woman and the meditation. I tightened my butt and thighs, squared my jaw, and trapped my breath in my chest.

“Was she serious? This is not helpful at all. At least give me some ideas how to let my stress fucking float away!”

“Really?”

As I noticed my outrage, I felt it in every part of me and I immediately felt tired. I felt tired of me. Tired of my rant, of my indignation, I ran out of steam and just shut up.

When I shut up, I found my silence. I began to relax my butt, my jaw, and take a deeper breath.

A lesson well learned.

 

The Queen of England

Today I got a massage and facial. As I relaxed; steam opening my pores, Audra’s fairy fingers making gentle circles around my eyes; I began to count my blessings. When I left the house this morning our housekeeper was pulling into the driveway. Last night I ordered a great pair of shoes from the Travel Smith catalogue. Tomorrow I have an acupuncture appointment. Next week I have a manicure and pedicure scheduled. I am the luckiest woman alive!

 

Then it hit. My gratitude turned to shame, “Who do I think I am? Really? Who? The Queen of England? I don’t dare tell anyone about all this.” I felt terrible, indulgent, spoiled, after all, there are children starving in Africa. Continue reading

My New Friends

And I have so many these days. It is really quite lovely. I feel wanted and important. I am popular!

 

Each evening my mail box is full of treasures offered by my new friends at Talbots, Black and White, Arhaus, Macy’s, Crate and Barrel… The list goes on. Actually, I think some of my new friends have told some of their friends about me because I get mail from friends I didn’t even know I had. Regardless, each of them begin with: your “friends” at LL Bean (or Sundance, Garnet Hill, Frontgate) want you to have this special offer because we value you so much. Really! I am that special. They mean it too. I know because they are so generous! My friends offer me special gifts, free shipping, 20% off and no payment until 2013. I am deeply touched by their thoughtfulness as I relax on the couch with their lovely, glossy catalogues. I know they have invested their hard earned money, their time and their energy to send these to me-their new friend.

At the bottom of the stack of mail, or sandwiched in between two of my new friends correspondence, is often a lonely white envelope. It is not friendly at all. It doesn’t even say, “Hi.” It has no pictures of gorgeous men and women. It has no pictures at all, no special offers or gifts. It simply says,”Pay this amount, by this date, or we will charge you more next month.” They don’t even say please. How rude.

 

I have decided I don’t like them. They are not my friends.

 

Oh yeah-my new friends have mentioned they want more friends. I can send them your name if you would like.

 

Then we can all be friends together!

It’s the F*@#ing Flame… my last honeymoon story…promise

(On August 26th, in the Mexican town of Teotihuacan, the flame for the 2011 Pan American Games was lit and the runner began its route through Mexico.)

 

We decided to spend a day in Puerta Vallarta before we flew back home. We met a couple on the plane to Mexico that made us promise to, at the very least, take a day trip into PV because it is so beautiful. Old PV, not Nueva PV where all the oversized resorts live. They were adamant. It sounded like a good idea. They gave us the name of the time share/hotel they stay in, some places to shop and a great restaurant for dinner. We were convinced and folded it into our plans.

 

Since there was no shopping in PLT I was looking forward to do some shopping. I was also ready to leave our eco resort survivalist meets paradise location. I was also ready to speak English. My brain was tired from trying to speak Spanish, trying to understand Spanish and acting like I understood Spanish when I had no idea what was being said. I  was ready for a bit of civilization. Continue reading

Staycation continued

Monday Evening

I only did what I wanted to do today!! Revolutionary!!  I discovered that was to sleep a lot, eat what I wanted when I wanted and to take a long walk. I didn’t get in the car. Surprisingly I found myself wanting to to do a bit of paper, work so I did.

I noticed how easy it is to know what I want when I don’t expect anything from myself. When there is nothing to accomplish I seem to know more about my desires. I enjoyed this difference. I could feel the shift in my relaxed body and slower, deeper breathing.