My One Year Anniversary…

A reader recently asked me, “What has happened to your blog? I miss it.”

I appreciated the question, and her caring. And I was uncertain of the answer. What had happened?

Tomorrow, Tuesday the 22nd I will be one year without my period. That may be TMI for some of you, but those of you somewhere on the menopausal spectrum know what that date means. According to western medicine I am in MENOPAUSE, or more accurately, according to Wikipedia, I am postmenopausal.

I have high hopes for myself on Wednesday the 23rd. I have been promised, assured and convinced that menopause is a spiritual club that only women who have survived peri menopause get to join. I think there may even be a special hand shake that I will intuitively know upon waking Wednesday morning. I will greet my fellow PM’ers with a knowing nod. We will smile, confident we have made it to where our erratic, irritable, bleeding sisters wish they were.

By Wednesday afternoon I am counting on my hormones to play nice so I can make it through a day without weeping; that I will no longer be combustable so I can stop stripping off layers in the Apple store in front of a Genius; and that my mind will regain clarity so I can remember the password to my ATM card. (If any of you know differently please don’t burst my bubble. I need this illusion.)

The last 4 weeks, the final menstrual stretch, has left me feeling reclusive. All I want to do is get home, lock the front door, and close the curtains. Some days I can’t get out of the car and up the front steps fast enough. Turning that knob, clockwise, between me and the rest of the world, is a spiritual experience.

Which brings me back the question, “What happened to my blog?” I have had several ideas for interesting posts over the past month. I have written them down, dictated them into my phone and emailed them to myself, recited potential topics in the shower. It’s not  that I haven’t been feeling creative, I simply could not make myself type them out. I could not move them beyond my interior self.

I shared this with a friend, concerned that I might be depressed. She is a PM’er too so I knew she would know. She confidently assured me that I was not depressed. She said I was incubating.

Incubating. That fits. I like that image. I am incubating. images

I have decided to trust this process. Surrender to it and gracefully morph into my next version of me. I may need to stay under the grow light a little bit longer. I will be sure to let you know how I turn out.
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5 thoughts on “My One Year Anniversary…

  1. Hi Patricia,

    I am glad to see that you’re still doing your blog. I remember when my mom had to go through menopause too. She’s done with it now and she says her life is much easier haha.

    Stay well!

    – Karen

  2. Oh my dear friend, sometimes I think of it as less of a spiritual club and more of a comedy club. That helps….especially when a group of us are in a room trying to have a conversation and nobody can remember names or titles or anything else. We call our efforts “Menopause Charades”. But somehow we get all the names, dates, places and titles out with each other’s help. And Google.

    And there’s never a good time to experience perimenopause….Remember how I was in the throes of it with teenage children? And I don’t envy you going through it with adult children. It’s never good….but at least we know it ends!

  3. Love this entry! I just discovered your blot and I love it! As a 3 year PMer the flashes are better but the menopause brain is worse lol. I am looking forward to following along on you journey through this crazy time in our lives.
    Hugs
    Rose

    • HI Rose, Welcome!! I am thinking of buying a membership with Luminosity to help my member. I do so miss it. Glad to have you as a reader. How did you find bB?

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